Two Years of my Journey

May 16, 2006

Two Years of my Journey

This blog is two years old today. It has been a chronicle of my journey into the Postmodern/Emergent/emerging ideals. Though I have been a Child of God for many years, I feel as if I have just begun in many ways.

Sometimes I think I should go back and fix little errors in my blog… spellings, maybe clarify some of the thoughts a bit… Yet, mostly I have thought about some of the deconstruction and reconstruction of my theology and basic understandings of my faith in this postmodern world.

I decided long ago to leave the mistakes and to not go and change things that I may not even agree with today. It is and was and will continue to be my journey… right or wrong (tongue fully in cheek there). In the presence of some errors I have grown.

I thing that has changed was that I used to believe that after someone gave their free will to God, they could not take it up again… a small verse cleared that up… as I thought my understanding was pretty airtight. I still believe that we have a free will as the “righteous will live by faith” it takes an action… or response rather to God’s calling…. Then to lay that will in exchange for His good and perfect will. The verse in 1 Cor 7:37 tells us that we do have our own will. It is pretty clear. We have a will and it needs be set to be in the Righteousness of Christ. When we are in his Righteousness, then we can express in our life the goodness. In that “doing” the right this is based on goodness of God, and not our own understanding. This verse cleared up the thought we no longer have a will when we fully come to Christ as this man has “control over his own will”. Though we must still recognize that when we follow our own will and reasoning, are all but carrying a dead corpse around… this being our old self. This will must be subjected to the God’s good and perfect will and purpose for us.

1 Cor 7:37. But the man who has settled the matter in his own mind, who is under no compulsion but has control over his own will, and who has made up his mind not to marry the virgin–this man also does the right thing. NIV

Though there will always be a struggle… as the flesh though in itself not evil does lay us low in how we desire and want of fulfilling these desires. The flesh seeks pleasure and resists pain… God desires us to grow and in just experiencing pleasure and never being challenged in our faith by adversity, we tend to perish than grow. Through perseverance we are able to grow. I fully admit it is not fun to grow… just ask a child going through growing pains.

Yet, in these times we are shown the faithfulness and strength and most importantly God’s love as we depend on Him in these times.

Now, if this blog seems to misbehave, remember being two is a bit rough, just ask my son Fischer. In a way it is like a T shirt we bought him… it says, “I am 2 years old and there is nothing you can do about it.” I have much to learn and I am eager to do just that.

In that last month many of you have come to me with support and love. I am a bit overwhelmed… but know that it is the Love of God that has given this desire. In that I thank you for listening to His voice and reaching out to me.

This year has been really rough. I am not talking about those who seem to be coming to my blog and then go misquoting me spreading falsehoods. I really could care less and I see that there is a religious spirit alive today, just as when Jesus was alive. Saul thought himself a servant of righteousness while he persecuted the church. I have met others afflicted with this spirit of religion… for the Bible speaks of them this way.2 Cor 11: 13. For such men are false apostles, deceitful workmen, masquerading as apostles of Christ. 14. And no wonder, for Satan himself masquerades as an angel of light. 15. It is not surprising, then, if his servants masquerade as servants of righteousness. Their end will be what their actions deserve. NIV

People afflicted with this spirit need a ton of prayer. They need to have God break the bonds that blind them to their ways of hate… God needs to show them that hate is not a virtue, or a Christian value.

Now saying all that, the hard part was often also the best part as God called me to minister to others in times of trial and great sadness. To have had the honor of doing Kyler McNulty’s funeral ( He was 7 days short of his first birthday). To be there and experience the pain…. Which I never desire to have to again, yet, in that still seeing God reach through the pain and ministering to those around me through me. There is still much to do. Kyler’s mother opted to have her tubes tied at his birth… and has now decided to have it reversed. The doctors are sure it can be done, yet there will be a great financial cost to them. Then to actually conceive again. Even with that Kyler will not be forgotten. He is in my heart forever.

The other thing of this year was changing jobs. I wont bore you with the details but suffice it to say I am on call 24/7 and often work nights and days. Early on I was doing this 7 days a week for about the first 6 to 8 weeks. It is a good job, yet challenging. It has opened new possibilities for our family financially… yet often I yearn for more time to do ministry. I often fall back on a quote of Bob George, “Sometimes the most spiritual thing a man can do is support his family.” So for now, that is my main ministry.

Failure was another thing that hit me hard. To set aside my vision and dreams and even begin to question if I had heard from God or had been presumptuous. In that I have been opened to another dimension that quite frankly I have never fully explored. In that being the role of servant.

In letting go to my dream I have decided to be a servant to another’s vision to learn. This is most humbling as I am very opinionated and often I admit, judgmental. I am very picky in whom I will follow, let alone mentor me as I have had some experiences that were not the best early in my walk. I am turning over myself to God to serve the new Billings Vineyard Church plant. I pray that I can let go of “my” agenda and serve faithfully as God desires me to. I know that this will give me the experience I need to properly follow God’s vision in my own heart… in time… after God has released me from this job at hand. He is faithful and I know He will grow what He has planted in me, even if I am 88 before it happens.

Mostly in these 2 years I am thankful for the fellowship I have with many of you. To share prayers and hurts and fears with many of you. In this I know that we are all connected and part of the same Body. In that I see a Christ Himself on this earth building His Kingdom… one heart and one person at a time.

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